Kala warned me this morning on the way to work.
"You did what ?!!?!" She exclaimed. While trying to reduce the volume on my cell phone and muttering silent obsceneties at the Jetta that cut me off on 390-S, I repeated what I told her a minute ago; "I used the hair oil you gave me last weekend".
(Winters can be cold in the Northeast, as most of you no doubt know or have watched on the Weather while fanning yourself in your little condos. What you probably do not realize is that it can wreak havoc on your (hair) follicles. I blame these darned frigid conditions and my father on my blooming forehead. Kala recommended I oil my hair every now and then, and shampoo it. It worked great in India while we were on vacation).
I dont know if you guys have heard of "Dabur Amla Hair Oil", made from home-grown gooseberries and with choice Ayurvedic herbs etc. Kala offered it to me on my last visit. This morning, I had a nice shower and decided to use it. Applied a wee bit and went on my way to work. Then this conversation started. She kept on the littany "You used it ON A WORK DAY!!!". I said yes, and she offered her explanation for why that was a bad idea...
She asked me "Baski, do you smell something funny?".
I said "Now that you mention it, yeah. I thought the smell was a tad strong in the car". She said "Its the hair oil!! Now you will be smelling like an overripe pickle all day". I thought "Great! Just on a day when I have 4 CLOSED DOOR meetings to attend". I assured her I did not use too much of it, and that the "smell molecules" usually degrade in sub-zero conditions. I did not account for the fact that (a) Today was supposed to be particularly warm at 47F (b) They usually have the temperature at warm and toasty in the meeting rooms. To make matters worse, there was a meeting in 5 minutes of me reaching office. I walked in to a filled hall. Faces were smiling, warm greetings were being exchanged, and I found a spot to sit: Plush in the middle of the hall between a few of my colleagues. I bent my head as though in contemplation and whiffed. Yes there was a strong odor: Of overripe tomato pickles. I cleared my throat and braved myself to stares from people from around me and suspicious sniffing. Before I could take notice, the meeting started...
There were a few announcements in the beginning when I took the time to look around. The nice chinese lady was clearing her throat a little too often. She was wiping her nose tip quite frequently. The man in front was in agony, from what I could see, head bent and doing what looked to me as though lurching (like when retching to vomit). I gave a cursory glance at the people in the row behind me, and saw they were sitting with their backs straight, as though trying to escape something quite ominous. The meeting progressed. I saw that there were many people clearing their throats. Coughing, heads shaking as though to clear a blurring sensation. When you are sensitized to something, you tend to see things in a totally different light, dont you ? It might have crossed my head that this was after al the flu season. Given that there were an unusual amount of people with flu-like symptoms in that hall. I contemplated my next move. Now that I have brought in a new odor into the hall, will anyone associate it to me. I mean, there were about 120 people in the room. Then I noticed that the man sitting next to me had his hand in a contemplatory gesture; you know where the palm of your hand covers your nose and mouth. I knew then I would singled out pretty soon. Time was running out for me. I thought, maybe if I turn the chair a little bit away, it might help. Nope, that didnt either. Then I started dreaming: "What if I ran out of the hall, to my car and drove home (all of 15 miles), shampooed my hair and drove back. I might make in back in time for the end?" Then the talker started talking "And Bhaskar is responsible for this activity here...". And I thought "Great! Thats what I want. Put the spotlight on me..". Panic settled in. I started twirling my pen and started DISMANTLING IT! I broke it with a loud CRACK!!! Heads turned. Panic intensified. Then a sort of zen thing came over me. I figured "So what? What if I stink? Will they fire me for obnoxious odors? Will they me stinky behind my back?" and so on and so forth. I reasoned with myself. I looked around again. Now I saw sick people. People with bad colds. People who were crying from too much passion. People with what looked like bored expressions to me. Head shaking was now attributed to disagreement with the goings-on in the meeting. A calm befell me.
I said to myself: So what? I stink. Big deal. Lets see how much hair you have when you turn 33! Meeting ended. I had a coughing fit, all of a sudden. And left the room in a hurry.
The end.
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